Awakening from a Distant Dream

Awakening from a Distant Dream

In her mind, Laura envisioned everything that transpired behind the front door of her house. Her mother sprawled on the living room sofa with a heavy sedative containing alcohol thinly disguised in a coffee cup, and the television, of course, mercilessly on. She saw with perfect clarity the vacant eyes, the immobile features, the impenetrable life of this woman, her mother. Laura felt her skin tighten, the adrenaline inundate her as her hand reached automatically for the door. In a moment, everything was revealed exactly as the mind's eye had portrayed it. An involuntary spasm shook Laura's entire frame, as she pretended, at great cost to herself, that everything was as it should be. Her mind frantically engaged its most obsessive urge to construct an image of an orderly universe, and shaped from the immediate reality a sense of normalcy upon which she could base the calm behavior she sought to feign. "Laura," she admonished herself within the inner parliament of her being, "you know that this is the way the game is played, you know your role , play it well." That was the voice of the pragmatist attempting to coexist with her mother without giving way to the dangerous volatility of the psyche. In this way , she regained her composure. However, somewhere anger was stored inside her, piled up in meticulous heaps leaving microscopic regions of stress throughout her physical being.
"Hello mother," she said as she entered the house. A long and painful silence intervened.
Her mother barely stirred as the light from the television gave her complexion the ivory color of death. She swiveled her head about a broad neck, "Oh, hello dear," was her reply, each word chosen carefully and articulated with painful slowness. "And how was your day?"

Laura stood there aware of everything, "Oh all right mother." The tension rose in her once again. She moved stiffly towards the kitchen. Laura was one of those individuals who was physically incapable of enduring a lie. Her body could not tolerate the tension. She could painfully see her mother contemplating her own demise; even planning it by the abuse she knowingly heaped upon her own body. Laura's psyche grew obstinate. It began to devour all the familiar objects around her. The refrigerator lost its innocence and began to take the form of a coffin. Objects lost their dimensionality, and the room, itself, began to sway. She ran up the stairs in a panic, and threw herself upon the bed. Downstairs, she could still hear the television and the awful howling silence. Emotionally exhausted, Laura fell asleep. In her troubled state, she dreamt. The house caught fire. She was trapped in her room as the flames leaped and licked at her. She sat there waiting for the flames to consume her. Suddenly, the house cracked open like an egg, and she took wing and flew into the tranquil night. From a safe and lofty position high in the sky, she looked down upon the place her house had occupied and saw only charred and twisted ruins. Awakened by this dream, Laura felt a strange and inexplicable relief in place of the terror she imagined. A low but firm knock at her door disturbed her revelry.
"Come in," she said quietly.
Her father entered cautiously. He was a large man, but in spite of his size he always appeared subdued, even obsequious, in the presence of his daughter.
"Laura, when you didn't come down for dinner, I got worried. Is anything the matter?"
Laura looked silently into her father's eyes. That prolonged intensity made him feel decidedly uncomfortable. She knew that she could not safely confide in him. As a little girl, she depended upon this towering man for her safety and protection. However, as she grew up, adoration was soon replaced by a growing mistrust, for she never saw his true nature. Intuitively, Laura sensed the presence of a wild uncharted anger, that seemed to be festering beneath his eyes. She became afraid of somehow unknowingly triggering its expression. For this reason, she remained very cautious with him, never intimating that she was, in fact, in emotional turmoil. All this, brought her an intense sadness, realizing how formidable was the space that separated them.